The Grammys Ban Inappropriate Clothing (Boo!)

Posted by: on Feb 8, 2013 | No Comments

Olivia Wilde avec sideboob

What’s wrong with a flash of sideboob, the poke of a front nip or a cheeky flash of bootay from an A-Lister on the red carpet? Clearly a lot for The Grammys fashion police, who have obvs travelled back to the Victorian era and insisted that attendees ‘adhere to Network policy concerning wardrobe’ this year.

Now we’ll actually have to be completely interested in the outfits, and not in the wardrobe malfunctions that we’ve come to love at big celebrity events. Yawn.

The wardrobe instructions from the ‘Standard and Practice’ department of CBS were leaked to an anonymous source to Deadline, who of course wanted to share this hilarity with the world, and of course we wanted to share them with you:

‘Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. (Male breasts acceptable? Excellent. Pecs galore.) Thong type costumes are problematic (tell us something we don’t know) – please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. (Oh, they went there.) Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. (Sideboob!) Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples. (Where else would they be?) Please be sure that the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin (Er?) exposure. Please avoid commercial identification of actual brand name products on T-shirts. Foreign language on wardrobe will need to be cleared. Obscenity or partially seen obscenity on wardrobe is unacceptable for broadcast. This as well, pertains to audience members that appear on camera. Finally, The Network requests that any organised cause visibly spelled out on talent’s wardrobe be avoided. (No charity plugging, obvs.) This would include lapel pins or any other form of accessory.’

I’m pretty sure that unless the cast of Geordie Shore are attending, everything will be okay.